


Do not read! - SS (Super Secret)

by thicck



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: I Tried, Stiles realizes he's in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:08:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21777160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thicck/pseuds/thicck
Summary: Stiles has an epiphany.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 12
Kudos: 114





	Do not read! - SS (Super Secret)

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't finish the series but I still wrote this. I hope it's not too out of left field

_ Lovely. _

Stiles stares at the word in the screen and blinks.

It’s not a hard word, per se, but he can’t think of anything to write revolving that concept. It’s just that there’s a ton of things that are lovely. Curly fries, of course, his blue jeep, Lydia’s hair, Scott, his mother’s face, his friends in general, Derek’s eyes…

Yeah, he’s so not going there.

This is all his father and Scott’s fault. He’s not to blame no matter what the circumstances seem to say. There’s this thing called “misleading evidence” and his father knows but refuses to acknowledge it. It’s entirely not his fault that he may have taken more Adderall than recommended for several days, too focused on all the freaking supernatural shit going on. He may have gotten a little carried on and start babbling nonsense to strangers. In his defense, they were not even listening, few people do. Thus, it’s not his fault that the stress, excitement, and lack of regulation of his condition resulted in his daily dose not working anymore.

They went to the hospital, obviously. They were told they could raise his prescription but reminding them that this medicament it’s a drug after all and it has high addiction’s risks, so it is not totally recommended. Instead, they say to find an activity to spend his too much energy in. His dad agreed because he may be patient (the most patient father if you consider having Stiles as a son) what with the werewolves, the numerous shapeshifters, fae, witches, and whatever the hell the Nemeton’s craving monthly; but he sure as heck won’t let his son become an addict. So, another activity it is. The thing is: what can possibly demand more attention that figuring the Big Bad and its plans of the month? Stiles doubts there’s something. However, they just defeated the last threat and now he has nothing to focus on.

Leading to this scenario: Stiles writing daily about a random word.

It was Malia’s idea, something about how he seems to focus enough to do essays; of the most bizarre themes of course but focusing nonetheless. He considered the idea and went with it. However, it was counterproductive because those kinds of essays required plenty of research and sleepless nights, resulting in an acceleration of his decaying health. Just  _ Great _ .

Because the idea was good, Stiles decided to twist it to his advantage. He would write daily about whatever his mind thought, just a few paragraphs would make his mind concentrate in something concrete. There was a problem, though. His fucking brain likes to hop from one subject to another like it was the Easter Bunny in a race against the wolf of the three pigs. When presented the concern, Scott said he could use one of those random word generator things to get one and write about it. His buddy was brilliant like that, so he took the advice.

Now, he has  _ ‘lovely’ _ in front of him and he doesn’t know what to type. His beautiful mind, the freaking cause of all this, helpfully supplies the image of Derek’s lovely eyes. Yes, Stiles has an infatuation that he can admit to himself because as infuriating as Derek can be, Stiles knows better: the man has a cute, shy, and soft side to him and he fucking adores it.

No matter what Stiles’ thinking about or what he’s doing, he seems to always go back to Derek. Even in his previous attempts at writing about whatever the random daily word was, it managed to make him think of Derek. Examples;  _ deliver _ : Derek’s favorite takeout food that he shares without asking,  _ action _ : the pack fighting the designed evil and Derek flashing his alpha eyes before striking the winning hit,  _ pardon _ : that thing that Derek is still struggling to accept that he’s worthy of. He can be a martyr sometimes.

If that’s how it always is going to be, Stiles must adapt because that’s one of his many talents. Screw Jackson and his insults of being useless. Stiles is going to write about Derek and hope that by channeling his thoughts into words he can avoid accidentally blurting them out and spare the collective embarrassment and subsequent teasing and mortification.

So,  _ ‘lovely’ _ . 

He goes to his already opened word document and reconsiders. No one except Scott has access to his laptop and he knows about Stiles’ feelings so there’s no worry in that front, the others might suspect because he couldn’t stop their senses to smell what he felt in certain situations that involved Derek but don’t need confirmation. He sending the document without meaning to isn’t likely. The pack doesn’t use it because there’s no reason. Deciding he’s safe he starts typing.

Lovely.

Derek Hale isn’t lovely no matter how polite he might have proved to be capable of being when becoming Miguel.

Something great about this is that he’s only doing it to stop bouncing off the walls, so he can write without the strict format his teachers give and add the most random thoughts. That plus Derek Hale promises so much fun that Stiles knows this will become an awesome mess.

He’s an asshole. His body, face and voice are lovely but don’t be fooled, he’s a dick and a dick is a dick no matter what.

Stiles is having a blast.

“Aunque la mona vista de seda, mona se queda”; even if the monkey dresses in silk, it will still be a monkey, or something. I read it in one of the Spanish books Derek has because of fucking course he speaks Spanish. He’s perfect, a perfect asshole. HA. Anyway, Derek’s is a jerk because when you meet him he glares, you haven’t even said anything but he’s already judging you, and maybe it was our fault because we where in his property but! He could have been nicer. I’ll do a list to show his asshole tendencies because it’s easier to write that way. Damn, there’s goes my dream of writing the best Batman screenplay.

“God, I hope he never reads this. He’s so going to rip my neck out” Stiles waits a beat “with his teeth” and snorts. He’s the funniest.

  * Derek Hale will slam your body to the nearest surface and threaten to shut you up if he detects you are fragile and you are arguing with him. This is not as bad as it sounds because when it happens you get his body close and the heat it radiates is nice if a little arousing. 



And the arguing, man. It’s so entertaining and more playful banter than mean fighting. He listens to every annoying and random thing I say like no other, even Scott gets lost. He’s so attentive and caring, you won’t believe you missed it at first. He knows the favorites of all the pack even though the others tend to get confused. He helped Scott with his furry issue when he didn’t have the obligation to, even though Scotty was mean to him. He took Isaac to live with him after that disaster. He takes care of him, Erica, Boyd, Kira, Malia and Jackson because they are pack but also of Allison, Lydia, and Stiles himself. Sweet, wonderful Derek; he cares too much. Maybe that’s why he pretends he does it reluctantly; he’s had people receiving that treatment and stabbing him in the back all the same.

I want to hurt every person who made/make him suffer.

The best, though, is when he realizes that you care and notice him too. He does this confused face with the eyebrows frowning, then his eyes widen a little and his mouth opens in surprise before finally settling in a small smile. Goddammit, he’s fucking adorable.

“Damn it” Stiles says. See? This is what he referred to when stating that his brain can’t focus on a topic for shit. Because erasing it would be a pity and no one is going to read it anyway, he doesn’t delete it. Besides, he’s supposed to write so his brain is doing something, so the more he types the better. If that only happens to be because he likes to think about Derek, then so be it, nobody will know.

  * Derek Hale is arrogant. Yes, he is because he is smoking hot and he knows and uses it. He will do whatever that requires physical movement, like pick up something in the floor (showing his ass), reaching for something (his shirt riling up and showing skin), cross his arms (those biceps!!!), and when he catches you averting your eyes, he will fucking smirk at you. You can’t even hide it because of those damn wolfy senses that can smell arousal.



But it’s not always hotness because no, Derek Hale is not just hot. He’s pretty too. He will just be reading a book, watching TV or eating and I can’t look away but at the same time can’t keep looking because he shines. The nerve of this asshole. The crinkle of his eyes when he laughs at my jokes, his tiny dimples. The humming he makes when he’s relaxed, always around me, the lips twitching when amused at the expense of my ridiculousness (it’s worth it). His beautiful and expressive eyebrows (I am an expert at interpreting them!). I’m pretty sure he has a beautiful soul, if they are real, what with his kindness and protective nature. His dick must be cute too.

“I did not just write that. How can dicks be cute? God, what the fuck”. He groans, sighs and accepts it because he doesn’t know that many dicks, and certainly not Derek’s.

  * Derek Hale knows and understands the concept of ‘personal space’ but _decides_ to ignore it. He used to growl at me at first for getting too close and was distant. Now, he will make whatever excuse to get in my space, even climbing through my window at night!
  * Derek Hale ignores the smartest person in the room (me after Lydia) even though he hears everything they say. I could admit it’s because I (am) can be annoying and infuriating but it must be because he’s an asshole.
  * Derek Hale is mean. He shows up and says not to follow him, not to get in the way, to stay back even though he knows I can help them. He growls and threatens you. 



Scott says he’s just trying to protect me. Aww, he cares! Anyway, he’s overprotective.

Stiles types some more bullet points and gets carried away. The list is a mess, but it reflects what he thinks and feels. Furthermore, it achieved the main purpose, to keep his mind focused so he’s not too bothered by the text even if it has no cohesion or coherence.

After some time, Stiles reaches the point where he is supposed to write a conclusion when he remembers he  _ was _ supposed to use ‘lovely’ not ‘asshole’. Again, his brain decided to run wild and free, but he’s not too bothered since he just put important things he’s wanted to express since he started considering Derek a friend. Never let it be said that he can’t adapt, so he types:

In conclusion, Derek Hale is not lovely because he’s an asshole, as all the reasons above demonstrate. He’s handsome, moody, infuriating, mean, but also, kind, adorable, shy and he can play nice. So, Derek is not lovely, not entirely. However, he is lovable. Solid proof: I love him.

Oh.

“Well shit” Seems like that infatuation has evolved. Honestly, he’s not that surprised about the revelation itself, he’s stunned it took him this long to figure it out. With Lydia it was all too fast; he saw her in third grade reading a math book for sixth graders and an instant later he knew she was the love of his life. He was wrong. After a while, he still loved her but as a friend. Now with Derek, though, he knows he’s screwed.

Suddenly giddy, Stiles searches for his phone and dials ‘Best Bro’ before he can think better of it. Scott answers in the second ring.

“Hey, man” Scott starts, “Now’s not a good time. I’m with-”

“I’m in love with Derek”, rushes Stiles in one breath.

“-Derek and the pack-Stiles!?”, ends Scott, scandalized.

Stiles can’t believe he accounted for every person that could reach his laptop and possibly end his life by mortification but he didn't consider the greatest risk to his own existence: himself.

He hangs up.

**Author's Note:**

> Scott: he’s an asshole  
> Stiles: but you don’t have all the facts  
> Scott: which are?  
> Stiles: I love him


End file.
